


Memories Always Start 'Round Midnight

by trashofthethings



Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: Canon Compliant, Insomnia, Oneshot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 05:44:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12810900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashofthethings/pseuds/trashofthethings
Summary: Donny knew two things upon returning to Cleveland: one, something was very wrong, and two, he had to face it on his own.





	Memories Always Start 'Round Midnight

It didn’t take long for Donny to figure out that something was wrong.

At first, he thought it was something that might go away. Can’t sleep one night? Normal. Everyone has a nightmare now and again. A bad dream had surely left him breathing heavily and in a cold sweat before. Can’t sleep for two nights? Fine. Sleep was a natural function of the body, and his body would have to comply with nature eventually, Donny figured. But after a couple of weeks with practically no sleep, Donny was too tired to lie to himself and continue saying things would go back to normal.

He was no doctor, but he was pretty sure the human body was supposed to fall asleep more regularly than a few hours every few nights. He was no psychologist, but he was pretty sure nightmares weren’t supposed to leave a person shaking and shouting. Bad dreams weren’t supposed to rule a tyranny over the mind.  _ Thought I was done fighting dictators,  _ Donny would sardonically think to himself. Although, this wasn’t fighting. This was more like helpless subjection, and it only got worse as time passed.

What would people tell him it was? He’d heard “battle fatigue” floating around. Fatigue. Donny could have laughed. Fatigue didn’t even  _ begin _ to cut it. More than likely, he’d be told he had a case of “nothing’s wrong, just go to sleep for God’s sake”. Well, whatever it was, Donny knew that something  _ was _ undeniably very, very wrong. The realization that he had a problem brought with it a slightly nauseated feeling. The realization that there was no help to be had brought with it a gut-twisting dread.

It was a downward spiral from there. He could scream from the top of the Terminal Tower that he knew something wasn’t right with him and a lot of other vets, too, but no one would take him seriously. Donny could do nothing but hope for sleep he very well knew would not come. And when sleep wouldn’t come, he had two choices: see if drinking enough of whatever alcohol he managed to buy would knock him out for at least a couple of hours or sit at the piano and let his fingers hopelessly roam.

The dingy black and white keys were the only constant in Donny’s otherwise crumbling world. They were always there, whether Donny was contentedly composing or desperately banging out his grief and his fear- which was what most often happened in those early and hopeless hours of the morning. Donny would mindlessly improvise, not even aware in his clouded mind if the notes and chords sounded good together. He furiously played on, anyway. By the time morning broke, Donny was always so tired that his hands shook and his playing slowed to a stop, but he still would not sleep. If he couldn’t sleep and he couldn’t play, there was nothing left for him.

At that point, Donny would trudge over to his couch, flop down on it, and sit there, his eyes stinging and his body begging for sleep. Sometimes he would make himself go for a walk and get some fresh air to feel a little better. Most times, though, he would think about how he  _ should _ go for a walk and do something for once instead of pathetically sitting on his couch, but never bring himself to do it.

That was the cycle- Donny knew he would end up back at the piano at the end of the day, pounding the keys, every note an unheard cry for help.

**Author's Note:**

> It's true that this oneshot was better in my head than in execution, but it's just a thought I wanted to throw out there. If you're looking for actual good Bandstand fanfic by me, check one of my other two works if you haven't already. They're called "Home of the Brave" and "Heartbeat". 
> 
> I wrote this about a month after Bandstand closed, but I'd been entertaining the concept long before that. The line Donny sings in Just Like It Was Before that goes "I'd like a good night's sleep/is that too much to ask/I need a shot of whiskey all's I got's an empty flask" always struck me, especially when I was able to watch it live in the show. It's at that point when Donny's suddenly doing way less than alright- and is very strikingly and noticeably tired. Of course he says he's tired, but it's in his voice, his body, his face- he's suddenly hovering at rock bottom. So, sometime around then, he would have had to come to the realization that something was wrong. I cannot imagine that being anything less than terrifying. My heart goes out to anyone who has had an experience like that.
> 
> There isn't much in terms of research this time around. I know, you're all so sad that I won't bore you to tears on a tangent about the 40s or jazz or both. Only historical thing worth sharing is what kind of understanding there was of PTSD. Professionals were actually realizing that war could cause mental illness in any soldier. They called it, as mentioned in the fic, "combat exhaustion" or "battle fatigue". However, mental illness in soldiers wasn't really recognized until the National Mental Health Act of 1946, which was pretty much made in recognition of soldiers and veterans. Bringing things back to Bandstand- Donny returned home in 1945. Yeah. He was on his own.
> 
> Okay one more thing worth mentioning- the title. Just in case you thought you'd make it out without me talking about jazz. It's a lyric from 'Round Midnight, composed by the great Thelonius Monk. This lyric made me think of Donny. I thought it fit the oneshot.
> 
> Congrats if you made it this far. As always, comments and kudos if you'd like to leave them. :)


End file.
